To My Children

Dear Surly Teenagers,I need you to know that I understand that the last few years have not easy for you. I know it wasn't your choice to move from the heart of the city you grew up in to a falling down farm house, away from your friends and an "easier" way of life.I've done my best to make the transition as easy as I can for you. Every school year I've petitioned two school boards to beg them to let you stay in the same school with your friends. Every day I commit to driving you there and picking you up, and arranging rides for half days, and snow days, and whatever life throws our way. I make sure I'm there for all of your concerts, and school meetings and everything else you want to participate in, even though it means late nights and extra drive time for me. I wish you understood how much easier life would be for me if I just made you go to school in our new town. I wish you would appreciate that I am trying to do everything I can for you.We didn't choose this lifestyle to punish you. Contrary to popular belief around the home front, we do not love the goats more than you. We take no joy in not being able to go on trips. We do not lay awake at night dreaming up ways to make you miserable through the use of physical labor and the smell of goat manure.Believe it or not, we truly feel we're doing what's best for you. We want you to go forth in this world with a solid work ethic and appreciation for the things you have. We want you to know what it is to have pride in food your grew yourself in your own backyard, and to know the name of the goat who gave you the milk for your cereal. We want you to know how to celebrate new life and know how to handle death (although I admit, I'm still not very good a that part).I know I'm not always a great mom. I'm usually exhausted and irritable and stressed out. I don't have a lot of time to do fun things. I don't always have the money for all of the things that you want, but that's because I'm always putting it towards the things you need. I hope that someday you'll know I always did my best, even if it usually fell short. I always wanted to be the mom that baked cupcakes for your class, who volunteered to chaperone things, to do an adorable yearly Christmas card, etc. But, I'm just so tired, and I always think there will be a tomorrow in there somewhere where I can get it all done, where I can finally catch up. But then tomorrow becomes yesterday, and the moment is gone.And now you guys are real people, so independent, and wanting so little to do with me. I will try harder to hang onto the moments I have left with you, before you leave me and we live lives that even more apart than they are now. I just hope that you understand that in my heart I've always tried to be a Martha Stewart mom, even though all I've managed is to be the Griswolds at best. I love you, so much, and hope we can all make it out of these teenage years in one piece.With all my heart,Your mom